I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
