the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
