He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
