capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
