hotel room ftw
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
porn star boner night. come get it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
