I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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