just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
