I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
