How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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