Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
