Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
