remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
