would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
