Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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