i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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