my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
