Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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