i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
time to smoke my breakfast
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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