Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
