i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
