just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
