the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
