How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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