New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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