The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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