I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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