He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
