You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
