i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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