Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
