remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
