On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
