i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
