i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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