I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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