I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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