The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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