Need sex. Gaining weight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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