And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
