my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize