I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
