he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
