You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
