New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
