I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
