Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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