I puked a lego.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
