hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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