I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
