I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
