lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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