Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
