so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
