You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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