i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
