i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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