it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
