is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
