so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
