my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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