I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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