So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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