winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
