Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
