i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
