maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
