my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
