Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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