drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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