My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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