Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
