Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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