I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My balls are so social today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
