You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
