My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
