The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
