Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
